


When Fairy Tales Go Wrong

by Kelkat9



Series: Dark Journeys [3]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Dark Doctor (Doctor Who), Dubious Consent, F/M, Fairy Tale Elements, Kissing, Magic, Sleeping Beauty Elements, Swearing, Talking Animals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-15
Updated: 2016-03-15
Packaged: 2018-05-26 19:41:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6253012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelkat9/pseuds/Kelkat9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose was whisked away by ancient immortals to play a part in a twisted fairy tale.  She's annoyed and not the damsel in distress the Doctor and Jack think.  In fact if anyone is doing any rescuing, it's Rose.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Fairy Tales Go Wrong

**Author's Note:**

> Major crackfic. Yes it starts with a forced unwanted kiss - it's a Sleeping Beauty twist so if that bothers you stop right now and go no further. None of this is serious. It's just a fun adventurey whimsical adventure with Dark Ten, Rose and Jack. This is story 3 in the series and picks up where story 2 left off.

Stifling heat pressed down on Rose’s chest followed by humid puffs of tea scented breath against her cheek. Woozy and her mind still sleep fogged, Rose squirmed and struggled against the weight pinning her down. Wait. Something was pinning her down. Her heart slammed in her chest as slick lips pressed against her mouth.

Waking up to sloppy, wet kisses could be a nice thing – if you knew the kisser and wanted said kisser’s attention. Rose did not know the kisser. In fact, she didn’t even know where she was or how she got there. What she did know was it might be the last time whatever or whoever was on top of her would be kissing anyone or thing.

Her knee shot up meeting soft flesh. A loud inhale and curse issued forth. Springing upward, Rose used all her might to throw her assailant off. She squinted against yellow sunlight as a body landed with a thump on the floor beside her.

Rubbing at her eyes, she sat up on the edge of… “What the hell?” She blinked and looked around the stone walled room. It was empty except for the narrow, pink satin dressed bed on which she sat. Thankfully, she was still in her standard jeans, trainers and blue leather coat. A groan rumbled forth from the body on the floor.

Her head throbbed and the room spun. Fingers pressed into temples, she leaned forward to examine her assailant.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Writhing on the floor was a curly blond-haired man dressed in white tights and blue velvet doublet. A matching sugarloaf hat with a plume of white feathers lay on the floor next to him. Tears ran down his face as he cupped his groin.

“Um sorry, but who the hell are you and why were you kissing me?” She flinched at the memory.

Green eyes peered up at her from a reddened face contorted in pain. With a grunt, he sat up and reached a hand toward her. 

“My princess! I am here to rescue you from the evil Gallifreyan curse of perpetual chastity and temporal grace.” This was stated with as much rolling of his tongue and cultured cadence as he could muster whilst wincing on the floor.

“Gallifreyan curse of… Oh you have got to be kidding. I mean this is just…Jack!” Rose growled and hopped of the pink princess bed peering around the room. “This isn’t funny!” Her stomach rolled and the room tilted. Bent at the waist and gulping cleansing breaths, her mind whirled thinking back to the events that led to her current weird predicament. 

“I don’t remember being this pissed,” she muttered. Straightening and rubbing her temples. She spun around as she heard her assailant rise up. He recoiled and Rose swore she saw just the tiniest hint of fear in his eyes. He was a little taller than her, thin with a wide eyed innocence. He definitely wasn’t the type to swoop in and assault sleeping women. 

He cleared his throat and bowed at the waist with a sweeping arm gesture.

“Princess Rose, forgive me. I am Prince Kasterborosprydianaridosa.”

“Well that’s a mouthful,” Rose noted, her nose wrinkled in confusion as the Prince stared at her blinking nervously squeezing his hat in a death-like grip. 

“My friends call me Kaster,” he informed her and then frowned shifting from foot to foot. “Don’t you want to kiss me for saving you?”

Her mouth dropped before she burst out into giggles causing her slightly rumpled and injured prince to deflate. The whole thing was insane. Prince, princesses, a curse – it had to be a joke. Then again, it’s not like she’d never woken up in odd places; or faced her fair share of odd alien ceremonies or rituals. She was betting that’s what this was. Human fairy tales often turned out to be some version of an alien society or the like. A soft smile lit her face at memories of Princess Jasmin of Agrabah and how together they’d defeated her father’s usurper, Jafar.

 

“I’m sorry, Kaster,” she finally spoke after contemplating her situation. “But I think you got the wrong princess meaning that I’m not really a princess. I mean I’m a Rose but not the one you’re looking for.” 

“But you are. This is the cursed Castle of Pythia. And I, with great valour and cleverness, bested the carnivorous rabbits of Rassilon and found the secret path through the black thicket of perpetual pain and anguish.”

“Carnivorous rabbits and perpetual pain and anguish.” Rose arched a brow at this. She really hated it when the universe had a sense of humour. She liked a good laugh every now and again. And she wasn’t opposed to ironic twists and a good pun but when it turned into man eating fluffy things of doom, she wasn’t amused. In fact, she was feeling a whole hell of a lot less amused as the day progressed.

“Maybe I should just take a look for myself, yeah?” Side-eyeing her prince saviour, she walked over to an arched open window. Bathed in the light of twin suns, the whole terrible truth was revealed.

“Fuck.” 

Most people would find the lavender sky swirled with darker shades of purple and yellow strata lovely. Even Rose had to admit it looked like a painting. Maybe something from that museum on Poosh in the Silurian exhibit. But this wasn’t a museum nor was this anything like art. No, this was a planet – a planet which she had a good feeling was not all it appeared; and which she did not voluntarily travel to. 

She looked out across the horizon toward a mist enshrouded pine forest that looked like something one would find on Earth. It was lovely if you ignored the thick black vines embedded with dagger like thorns covering the landscape between her present location and said forest. Speaking of her location…she dropped her hands to the stone window frame and leaned out much to her allegedly brave prince’s yelps of distress.

Yep, she was in a castle of the fairy tale variety: roughly hewn stone walls, turrets and a rank looking. slime covered moat in the distance. All of it was ensnared in a thicket of menacing, thorny vines. And peering out between the dagger sized thorns, a rather perturbed white, fluffy bunny with beady eyes that…oh dear, glowed red. Its pink whiskered nose wiggled in agitation. And it wasn’t alone, she soon realized, as more eyes appeared all directed at her. One yawned revealing a gaping maw filled with razor sharp teeth. Terror should be her first emotion. But weirdly, she couldn’t stop wondering how something so small could open its tiny jaws so wide? Maybe it was bigger on the… Oh that was not a good thought.

Arms encircled her waist and yanked her backwards.

“Oi!” She whirled around prepared to slap the handsy prince but he had sprinted away.

“You mustn’t! They’ll know we’re here!” His gaze darted to the window as he nervously backed into a wall.

“Yeah, I got that. So what was your plan for getting out?” Rose asked, eyeing the only exit from the room.

“A kiss of true love breaks the curse,” he said with flourish but then he deflated as his gaze fixated on the window and the dimming light.

“That’s real romantic Kaster but it never really works in the real world.” Rose sighed and rolled her head before fixating on the prince whose hands trembled.

“They won’t come for us in here – will they?” he asked in a thready voice. “I mean part of the curse was--” He trailed off.

“Kind of broke that part didn’t ya?” Rose commented and looked toward the thick dark wood door propped open.

“Don’t suppose you have a back up plan? I mean how’d you get in here?” she asked.

“Well…I sort of--” He flinched and stared at the door, nervously biting his lip.

“You snuck in?” Rose prompted. He nodded his head. “And is there a secret passage? A way past the--” She stopped when she saw his eyes bulge out. “Look, just tell me how you got in?” The pounding in her head combined with her fearful prince set her on edge and ready to toss him to the irate bunnies. Well, no she wouldn’t do that, but if he didn’t start talking--

“There was a map – the path to perseverance and princess salvation,” he said, clearing his throat. “A fairy god mother bestowed it upon me upon seeing my good heart and courage.” He puffed up and regained a bit more of his princely demeanour.

“Fairy godmother,” she repeated in a flat tone. “Right. And the bunnies just let you through?”

“Well, noooooo.” He ran a hand through his hair, mussing it up in a manner she would normally find charming. But not then and not facing hungry, flesh eating bunnies and especially not when she thought she heard the tiny scrape of bunny nails hopping up the stairs toward her.

“What did you do?” she demanded, crossing her arms and narrowing her eyes at him.

“Nothing that violates the Ethics, Virtues and Proper Princely Etiquette as set forth by the Eternal Proclamation.”

The air crackled and that itch in the back of Rose’s mind that had saved her arse so many times, dug into her like one of the thorns outside the window. Her hair stood on end and the sky darkened with a rumble of thunder. 

“That’s never a good sign.” She glanced at the window before aiming a piercing look at the prince. “Fine, you were a good prince but that doesn’t explain how you snuck past the ravenous bunnies.” 

“I distracted them.” He fixated on his boots which scraped on the wood floor.

“How?” Rose asked with an edge to her voice and a tight feeling in her chest promising she wouldn’t like the answer.

“Well, I needed help,” he mumbled before meeting her gaze. “But don’t worry, I’m sure some of them got away.”

“Some of what?” Rose snapped, arms dropped to her side as she stepped closer to the prince who squirmed under her scrutiny.

“Well, it’s just…I mean we eat deer so why shouldn’t the carnivorous rabbits--” He sputtered to a stop at the dark, condemning glare that pierced him. 

“You fed deer to the rabbits?” Her teeth were gritted as she tried to wrap her head around what he’d done.

“No…I mean I startled a herd of deer and they sort of ran into the thicket.”

“Kaster.” Her voice was so sharp, she practically stabbed him. “Are you telling me you herded a bunch of innocent deer toward flesh eating rabbits just so you could sneak in here and…oh I don’t even want to know what you expected from a sleeping princess.” Inhaling deeply, Rose tried to tamp down her anger. “I mean I’ve done a lot of questionable things in my life; tossed Satan into a black hole; ended Cybermen and turned Daleks to dust but I never purposefully sacrificed innocents for my own greed and gain.”

She turned away from him and paced toward the open door fuming at her cowardly prince and his dodgy methods at storming the castle. 

“This is so typical. Just like a bloke. Do what ever thing you have to just to get in a princess’s knickers,” she muttered. She looked back at him. “Don’t suppose it ever occurred to you to talk to the rabbits?”

“T-talk to them? They’d eat me!” he protested.

“You sure? Anyone ever try? Or is every prince like you -- only caring about himself and not what the bunnies want or need. No, you have to crash in swords flashing or driving deer to crash into the bunnies’ home. Did you ever think about how you’re the real threat here?”

By this time, the prince was slumped down, unable to look at Rose. Sighing, Rose shook her head. 

“First things first, we see if the bunnies are sentient and can communicate. Then we go from there. You stay here why I parlay with the bunny scouts at the door.”

He gasped once, stared at the white rabbit at the door and promptly fainted hitting the floor with a thud.

“And there we have it. The representation of the aggressive, sexist male species at his finest.” Sighing heavily, she turned toward the rabbit. It cocked its head to the side.

“Hi, I’m Rose,” she said with a quick smile and wave. “Sorry about Prince Kaster over there. I know he sort of stormed your castle. But I’d really like to talk a bit before the feasting on the blood of your enemies commences. Think we could chat?”

Three more bunnies in varying shades of white, brown and black hopped up. One rabbit with especially long ears and tufts of grey fur on its head hopped forward and squeaked out in a high pitched voice.

“A reasonable human. How extraordinary.”

Rose smiled and knelt on the floor. “Yeah, I know my species can be a bit difficult to deal with. I was hoping we could talk about making reparations and honestly, me leaving your kingdom. I’m not exactly sure how I got here.” She scratched her head.

“Princess Rose, I would be delighted to converse with you.” His gaze directed at the collapsed prince. “But not that bumbling meat sack!” The head bunny snarled and bared some impressive teeth.

“Oh, I understand and I doubt he’ll be much trouble. He’s a bit terrified and not quite in touch with his inner royal whatever.” Rose waved her hand in the air and rolled her eyes. “And it’s just Rose. No princess stuff.”

“Very well, I am Chancellor Thumper, speaker for the conglomeration of residents in this fine warren.”

And that was the beginning of how Rose made peace with the not so vicious rabbits. Hours of discussion resulted in one prostrate prince begging for forgiveness; a negotiated repayment for bunny trauma and suffering; and a promise that no more princes would invade their lands along with allowing Rose to leave. Well, leave with one unfortunate complication: the besotted Prince Kaster.

dwdwdwdwdwdwdw

_Meanwhile in the heart of the forest…_

“You just had to flirt with the faeries!” the Doctor griped, black and white fur fluffed out as he bounced and trotted down the woodland path a few feet from Jack Harkness.

“I only said ‘hello’ and that’s not why she turned you into a skunk,” Jack responded, eyes crinkling as he fought back a grin.

The Doctor scowled baring tiny sharp teeth. In the past twenty four hours, he learned Rose was kidnapped by ancient immortal beings who liked to use the universe as their playground; crashed the TARDIS in an attempt to track Rose’s location; confronted witches, faeries and other assorted beings with no sense of humour or urgency. 

He was on a quest to save his fair Rose. One would think the inhabitants of a world known for inspiring myths and fairy stories across the galaxy would understand. And Jack was prancing around the forest dressed like the proverbial fairy tale prince and enjoying himself far too much.

“Don’t blame this on me,” Jack continued. “I’m not the one that stormed out of the TARDIS, interrogating everyone and thing we met. And you’re the one that went chasing after little red--” 

“Don’t!” the Doctor warned, swishing his tail in agitation.

“Look, I understand. I want to find Rose too. But after the bumpy ride with the TARDIS almost exploding; and then crashing into that witch--” Jack winced. “We’re lucky the witch’s two sisters got into a fight over the ruby slippers so we could get away.

The Doctor growled in response, scampering faster to keep up with Jack.

“And I get it, little red comes skipping by and it’s like a sign. You’re just lucky she didn’t have anything more deadly than a Taser in that basket.”

“That was not part of the story,” the Doctor replied with as much sarcasm as he could in skunk form, pausing to scratch an itch behind his ear. “Bloody woodland fleas!”

“I’m just saying, maybe we should try a softer approach,” Jack continued as a Cheshire cat appeared in a nearby tree grinning at him. Shaking his head, he glanced back at his annoyed partner. “You know the saying, you get more flies with honey; and friendlier faeries when you compliment their gardens and don’t stomp through their mushroom patch.”

“I was polite! And I didn’t stomp. I stumbled when Faerie Merriweather pelted me with elderberries. And none of it would have happened if you hadn’t been putting the moves on Faerie Flora,” the Doctor countered, his snout tilted upward.

“Flora was cute! Gossamer wings, silver hair and she kissed me first! Not to mention she gave me a tip on where to find Rose. She even called me Prince Charming and spiffed me up. You haven’t even complimented me on the new outfit.” Jack preened as several blue birds tweeted and fluttered around him.

The Doctor hissed and stopped. He was trapped in skunk form. He was not a primitive polecat. He had dignity. Tail thrashing and nose wiggling at the injustice of the universe and how it was always against him, he narrowed beady eyes at Jack. Typical that Jack should end up in bright blue breeches, boots and purple velvet doublet and cape. Prince Charming – the thought gnawed at his insides. 

A putrid scent permeated the air as the Doctor continued grousing about dodgy princes and transformative faerie spells.

“Um, Doc, want calm down,” Jack said in a nasal voice as he pinched his nose and sprinted ahead of the Doctor. “We do sort of know where Rose is. And I’m sure what ever the fearsome man-eating monster is guarding the castle will be--” Jack trailed off as the Doctor, tail quivering turned around aiming his deadly skunk defence in Jack’s direction.

“One more word and I will…fuck!” The Doctor stopped when he realized what was happening. With a groan, he plopped onto the ground, morosely staring off into the woods. “I’m a skunk! Of all the things she could have turned me into, she makes me a skunk!”

“It’s not that bad, Doctor,” Jack said pinching his nose and standing a few meters away.

“All you need is true love’s kiss and you’ll be back to normal.”

“Fucking brilliant,” the Doctor muttered, his fur deflating in reflection of his mood. “Rose is in some induced comatose state which can only be undone with a kiss from a prince and I need…”

“Lucky for you I’m here,” Jack reminded him. “Flora did say I was Prince Charming.” He struck a very princely pose, hands on his hips and chin tilted upward. “I mean I know a thing or two about true love. I’d be happy to give it a shot. It’s not like locking lips with both you and Rose is a horrible fate!” He eyed the Doctor who buried his head in some pine straw.

“Of course it might be nicer if you were to lay off on the skunk musk. Not that a little odour is going to set me off.” He wrinkled his nose. “Well maybe a little. But I mean it’s what’s on the inside that counts and you know I…” His face flush and Jack looked away.

As much as the Doctor complained about Jack’s unfortunate temporal status, he was a friend and one the Doctor could count on. He didn’t deserve Jack’s love or loyalty. He hadn’t been the friend Jack deserved. And there was no doubt Jack was the better man. His humanity in the face of his immortality and the pain he endured as a result proved that. Even facing off against fairy tale monsters and whatever else the Eternals cooked up, Jack was still teasing and keeping him on task. He really did owe him.

“Jack, you know I wouldn’t ask but--” he drawled in his skunky growl followed by a sigh and a mutter of how he would never live this down.

“Happy to help as long as you’re feeling a bit less skunk spray happy.”

“Yes, yes, I have that under control. Just do it. Rose is out there and we need to keep going.” The Doctor shook his fur out and snorted before trotting over to Jack. Beady skunk eyes met a twinkling blue gaze.

Jack scooped him up, turning his head away and winced before meeting an annoyed skunk gaze.

“Well?” the Doctor snapped, his long cat like body dangled in Jack’s hands.

“Not exactly how I imagined this but it sort of fits for us,” Jack teased.

“Just kiss me already!” the Doctor demanded.

“You don’t know how long I’ve waited for you to say that,” Jack said with a grin.

“Jack!” he growled.

Jack held him closer, leaned down and human lips met skunk lips in a most tender kiss. The Doctor stilled, eyes squeezed shut and waited. The initial transformation had sizzled across his skin like regeneration energy and he expected the change back to his normal form to be the same. And then…nothing happened.

Jack frowned and leaned in for another kiss. 

“It isn’t working,” the Doctor groused. 

Before Jack could respond, a man hurled himself out of the woods, skidding to a stop near them. Wide green eyes looked from Jack to the Doctor.

“I…I’m sorry. Please forgive the intrusion into your--” He frowned and then stared at Jack. “Are you a prince?”

“Well, funny you should ask,” Jack responded and cradled the Doctor in his arms, scratching the top of his head. “But you can call me Jack and who would you be?” 

The Doctor squirmed out of Jack’s arms and landed on the leaf covered ground with a thump while warning Jack with an annoyed, “Oh stop it!” He eyed the man with curly blonde hair and a rumpled blue doublet and torn tights.

“I am Prince Kasterborosprydianaridosa, holder of the secret map to perseverance and princess salvation, vanquisher of the Rassilonian Rabbits and saviour of Princess Rose.” He spoke with a roll of his tongue and a strong voice.

“Princess Rose?” The Doctor gasped and ran at the prince who shrieked and scurried away.

“Where is she!” the Doctor demanded, baring his teeth with fluffed out his fur and tail in the air whipping back and forth looking as ferocious as a skunk could look.

“Take it easy, Doctor.” Jack swept by him. “Now than Prince…um that’s a mouthful.”

“Yes, so I’m told,” he stuttered. “You can call me Kaster. That is what my golden princess who represents all that is brave, graceful and good calls me.”

“Get your fucking hands off of me or I swear I’ll toss you into at black hole. I’m sure Satan would love to have you for tea!” A perturbed feminine voice echoed.

“Rose!” The Doctor jumped up and down and started to pant.

“Satan?” Jack asked and eyed his excited skunk companion.

“My beloved,” Kaster said in a soft, shaking voice. “She is quite strong and determined.”

A crack followed by a screech and yowling noise left shivers up the Doctor’s tiny spine. The ground shook and something whimpered nearby. 

“Serves you right!” the female voice shouted. “And don’t let me catch you pawing up any princesses again!”

Before the Doctor could do anything other than dig his claws into the ground, Rose Tyler burst out of the woods, a scowl on her face as she flicked clear slime-like material off her hand.

dwdwdwdwdw

“Bloody trolls! I don’t know what it is with this planet but I have had it! All I ask for is a spa planet and what do I get? Kidnapped, cursed, clingy, obnoxious princes, carnivorous rabbits, children eating witches, trolls and oh my god what is that stink?”

Rose stopped her ranting long enough to see Caster plastered against a tree, Jack grinning and the a skunk bouncing and calling her name. Brow furrowed she stared at the skunk who seemed a bit too excited before looking back at Jack.

“Jack, you’re here and--” She frowned. “Are you a prince?”

“At your service.” Jack bowed. “Princess Rose,” he said with a chuckle.

Rose rolled her eyes. flicked more sticky slime off her leather jacket and frowned and the skunk nuzzling her ankle.

“Stand aside! False prince and foul skunk! I am Princess Rose’s prince!” Kaster asserted stepping forward toward the skunk rubbing on Rose. The skunk, in turn, bared his teeth and hissed at Kaster who wisely stepped back.

“Seriously Kaster, just give it a rest already,” Rose said with a groan. “I mean where the hell were you when Teddy the Slime Troll was being all handsy with me?”

“I…well I ran for back up!” he asserted, his face flushed and digging his shoes in the dirt.

“Isn’t that always the way.” Rose shook her head and ran a hand through her hair, scrunching her face in disgust as she flicked more slime away.

“Rose, Rose it’s me!” her new skunk friend said, said rubbed his face on her jeans.

After negotiating with rabbits, a talking skunk was no surprise. “Yeah, sure it is.” She tried not to flinch worried what an enchanted skunk might do and glanced at Jack with an arched brow.

“It’s a long story but that’s the Doctor,” Jack informed her, eyeing Prince Kaster who edged closer whilst glaring at his skunk rival.

“But the skunk was kissing Prince Jack!” Kaster accused.

Rose blinked a few times, looking down at her friendly skunk who kept mumbling, “Rose, Rose, Rose.” And somehow the logic of it sank in and she started to giggle.

“It’s not funny!” the Doctor said, wrapping himself around Rose’s leg. 

“No, I’m sure it’s not.” Tears ran down Rose’s face as she laughed so hard, she gasped for breath. “And Jack was kissing you to help?”

“Yeah, that didn’t work out so well,” Jack agreed and scratched the back of his neck.

“Never mind that! We’re here to rescue you!” the Doctor insisted and stood up on his hind legs. “You need to kiss me so I can be me again.”

“Kiss you? Is that why you were snogging Jack?” she asked with a giggle in her voice.

“You can’t kiss the skunk!” Kaster insisted. “I kissed you and awakened you from the spell of perpetual chastity and temporal grace! You’re my princess! That’s the rule!”

“Perpetual chastity,” Jack snorted. 

“We’ll deal with any curses later,” the Doctor snipped, narrowing his eyes at Kaster. “I just need you to kiss me back to normal and we’ll solve the rest of this in the TARDIS.”

“The TARDIS is here,” Rose’s voice pitched up and the first hint of relief relaxed her shoulders.

“Yes but I need you to fix me and then we’ll sort out the whole Eternal mess.”

“Eternals?” Rose asked and cocked her head to the side. “I’ve heard that name before. What have they got to do with it?”

The Doctor grunted and kicked a loose stone toward Kaster who skirted to the side, still fixing the Doctor with an angry glare.

“The Eternals absconded with you. I don’t know why, but I will once you kiss me, I’m normal and back in the TARDIS. I promise Rose. I’ll solve this.”

“Well I suppose this is better than blowing up time lines and murdering innocent snails,” she quipped.

“Rose, now is not the time!” the Doctor replied with a slight squeak to his voice.

“Murdering snails?” Kaster sputtered looking toward Jack for help.

“Come on Kaster, these two have a lot to talk about. Let’s you and I do some princely bonding.” Jack led the flustered and clearly annoyed Kaster away.

“Bonding,” the Doctor spit out. “That’s a new name for it.”

“You don’t get to judge,” Rose admonished with a wave of her index finger pointed at him.   
“And I’m guessing you got all skunkified by doing something you shouldn’t. You’ve been doing a lot of that lately.”

“Rose, please,” the Doctor said, sitting on the ground, scratching his claws into the dirt. “I just wanted to rescue you. I miss you.” His tone lowered and he sighed.

Her emotions were a mixture of happiness at finally talking to him; annoyance at his past behaviour; amusement at his current predicament; and nervousness at what reuniting with him meant. 

It was confusing in the most mind bending ways. But at least she didn’t have a temporal headache pounding away at her brain. It was the first time she’d been this close to him without feeling like time was trying to split her into atoms and slam her through the vortex. Maybe there was a reason why she was reuniting with him in this place and at this particular moment. She’d been swept away against her will and deposited into this nutter fairy tale world for a reason. 

“Just tell me why you’ve been mucking about fixed points.” She rubbed her temples and paced before looking back at him. 

“I missed you,” he repeated and crawled over to cuddle up to her feet, wrapping his white striped tail around her calf. “I was experimenting to find a way to change things so I didn’t lose you.”

“Doctor.” she groaned his name before sinking down to her knees beside him and ran her fingers across the fur on his back. He laid down smacking his lips as he relaxed under touch.

“Chasing around after you was hard and not just because I had to clean up after you. I missed you too and despite you being um all furry, I’m glad we can finally talk.”

“It’s the Eternals, Rose. I know it’s their meddling that’s kept us apart. I won’t allow them to interfere with our lives any more.” He nuzzled her palm, licking her fingers.

Rose giggled at the warm coarse tongue against her skin and her mind wandered to a certain tongue that wasn’t in skunk form. Oh how she had fantasies about what she’d do with his tongue and none of them involved him talking. But talking is what they had to do first – after he was back to normal. Her gaze fixated on his black eyes.

“So kissing, yeah?”

“True love’s kiss,” he said and nuzzled her again. “Please Rose, this form itches. I’m a bit peckish and been eyeing a beetle crawling in that leaf pile behind you. I really don’t want to transform with the taste of beetle in my mouth.” He shook his body and then blinked at her. She couldn’t doubt it was him. Only he had that big puppy dog look that melted her heart.

“Okay, we do this and you’re going to owe me. And don’t think I won’t collect, mister,” she warned as she scooped him up.

“Oh I’ll make it up to you, Rose Tyler.” He bared his teeth in what Rose assumed was meant to be a grin.

“Right.” She wrinkled her nose as she brought him closer to her face. “Eau to skunk is not exactly my favourite,” she muttered. 

“Sorry,” he stated and slumped in her hands.

Despite smelling a bit rank, she had to admit he was cute as far as skunks go and even had that bit of fluff sticking up on his head not unlike his Time Lord self. And he was right. They needed to get back to the TARDIS and sort things out. She didn’t know much about Eternals. But she knew enough about them being all powerful immortals who liked to toy with mortal lives. And they certainly seemed to be having a bit of fun with her life lately. That was going to stop. She didn’t mind being a defender of time or fix the odd paradox but she put her foot down with being kidnapped by talking foxes and shoved into some perverted fairy tale.

With that thought on her mind, she visualized her brown pinstriped Doctor, his smile and warm brown eyes. She leaned in to press a soft kiss against skunk lips thinking about how much she wanted to kiss the genuine Time Lord version. 

Warm air swirled around her and her skin tingled where she held the Doctor. In a whirlwind of static electricity leaving her hair on end and a puff of golden smoke, her hands soon cradled the grinning face of her Doctor in all his brown, spike haired glory.

“Hello,” he said softly, gazing into her eyes with just a hint of mischief.

Knees bumping as they knelt in front of each other, he cupped her face, tracing his thumb over cheekbone. He leaned in close, angling his nose to the side of hers, his gaze fixated on her eyes.

Talking, they needed to talk, Rose reminded herself. But the other part of her said fuck it – it’s been a hard day and I deserve this. And oh it was worth it as his lips brushed again hers. Arms banded around her and she shifted closer, plastering her body against his until the double beat of his heart thudded against her chest. 

Tongues slid against one another as he sucked her bottom lip, teeth grazing her until a moan vibrated in her chest. This was the kiss she wanted to awaken to -- warm, tasting of honey and tea with a tongue that caressed her until warmth pooled low in her body. 

“I guess they don’t need any help.” Jack’s voice reminded her where she was and with reluctance she pulled away, her breath panting slightly.

The Doctor’s eyebrows drew together in a dark scowl. “Shouldn’t you be off bonding?” he said, enunciating his “b.”

“See, Kaster, told you the skunk was really a cranky alien.”

Kaster frowned and scratched his head his gaze swinging from a flushed Rose to the Doctor who stood up, pulling Rose up with him.

“And this is Lord Doctor?” Kaster asked.

“What did you call me?” the Doctor asked, his voice low and vibrating with a dark essence. His grip on Rose’s hand tightened as he pulled her closer.

“Lord, Doctor. Errr Lord of Time. All the books talk about you. I just never thought--” He stilled and stood taller, a smirk emerged on his face which contorted and transformed into a dark manifestation. 

“The Oncoming Storm,” he snarled as morphed into a tall man with broad shoulders enshrouded in a black cloaked outfit. “He who stood against the Army of Meanwhiles and Neverweres and the Could’ve Been King. You watched as the universe erupted into chaos as the Horde of Travesties laid waste to all who stood in their way. It should have been a glorious rebirth until you interfered!”

“And I’ll stop it again, all of it, if I have to,” the Doctor growled, a cold fury radiating from him.

Jack moved to Rose’s side. Sandwiched between the two men, she should feel safe…but she didn’t. Lightening cracked into a tree sparking a fire in the tall pine forest.

“I take it, he’s no prince,” she asked.

The dark man cackled and held his arms upward as more lightening cracked the sky in jagged fireworks.

“Too bad, little wolf. You would have made a glorious princess of chaos.”

“Over my dead body,” the Doctor said in a clipped voice.

“Blimey, he’s less prince saviour and more like the prince of evil,” Rose noted and scrunched her nose up. “Ewww and he kissed me!” She wiped her mouth on her shoulder. 

“Not evil, the Black Guardian of Chaos,” the Doctor informed her, standing unflinching as fires flared around him. 

“He’s Guardian of Time,” Rose whispered as she recalled myths and a riddle she’d once heard about the Sixth Fold Gods. 

“I thought you said it was the Eternals?” Jack asked, his body tensed and squeezed Rose’s hand like he was ready to run.

“Oh he’s in league with them. Aren’t you?” the Doctor stated. “What did they promise you for this little jaunt? Did you really think I would allow you to harm Rose?”

Hair raised and heart pounding, Rose could feel energy tingling up her arm from where the Doctor held her hand. He was good at hiding this part of himself. She’d glimpsed it more often lately – a calculating, cold darkness lurking deep in his mind. He once told her he was a warrior in the Time War and she’d seen bits and pieces in her first Doctor but that was combined with guilt, fear and devastation. 

The power crackling through him at this moment was seeded in a rich soil of anger, bitterness and a fierce need to protect. She understood his need to be a protector, but the power lurking within her was tempered by her compassion and humanity.

As she watched the Black Guardian grin and chuckle, she knew he wanted this – wanted the Doctor to unleash the fury of a Time Lord. He wanted the Doctor’s connection to time and the universe wielded by a powerful Time Lord who has lost and suffered and was willing to do anything to protect all he loves. The Doctor, she and Jack stood on a precipice and one tick forward and they would fall into oblivion and the Universe with them.

“Doctor, stop. Don’t give him what he wants.” Her words were quiet but firm as she squeezed his hand and focused on reminding him she was there with him and not the damsel in distress he thought when he arrived on this world.

“Are you going to let your pet control you? What is she but a mongrel caught in the storm,” the Black Guardian drawled.

“No she’s not,” Rose responded, liquid heat warming her against the cold, calculated plans of the immortal. “She’s a wolf and she’s standing right here. And maybe you forgot from earlier when you tried to take advantage and played the poor little prince game, but this wolf has a bite. And on this world one might remember that little nursery rhyme – Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?” Rose chimed and dug deep inside of herself for that tiny bit of time which she every so gently caressed.

The Doctor shivered and gasped before turning to stare at her. 

“Gonna listen to me or are you too busy deciding who’s bits are bigger with the Prince of Darkness over there?” she asked with a touch of sarcasm.

A deep inhale and he shuddered. “To you, always.” His voice vibrated with a husky quality as warmth and affection tempered the previous cold fury.

“Uh guys?” Jack said and tilted his head toward the Black Guardian who’s face elongated in rage as he screamed up at the sky.

“Looks like it’s time to run!” Jack said and pulled the Doctor and Rose along as they raced through the forest. An explosion rocked the ground and they stumbled as a burst of hot air carrying burning embers whipped around them.

Legs pumping and muscles burning, Rose stayed focused on both the Doctor and Jack. The forest was a chaos of fire and wind as they ran avoiding fleeing deer, birds and a few screeching faeries. It wasn’t until the Doctor jerked them to the side and they barrelled through burning pine trees with ash raining down around them, that she saw the first sign of hope – a beautiful blue box.

Once inside, they dematerialized back into the vortex with the cloister bells clanging. Eventually the bells stopped and the three of them collapsed against the console. Rose looked over at the Doctor.

“So, Fairy Tale World,” she said with a giggle.

“Not the reunion I was planning,” he agreed with a smile and laced his fingers with hers.

“Yeah, but it was very us.” She squeezed his hand.

“I could use a drink,” Jack added “And a change of clothes. Being Prince Charming is nice and all but these breeches itch.” He tugged at his waist band.

“Try being a skunk!” the Doctor reminded.

“Yeah will try being snogged by the Black Guardian and have to negotiate with upset carnivorous bunnies!” Rose snipped.

“Carnivorous bunnies?” the Doctor asked. “Really? I wish I could have seen that!”

“Sounds like this one time I got pissed with some friends on Cassius Minor and oh what a party that was!” Jack said as he regaled them with another notorious Jack Harkness tale of drinking, partying, lascivious mates and a good naked run for his life.

And they lived…well not so quite happily ever after. More like they ran, snogged and fell head first into the next adventure where they faced the next challenge on the never ending quest to keep the universe safe and maybe have a little loving in between.


End file.
